Changing Fast...and Slow

What if the reason your life isn’t changing…
has nothing to do with your mindset?

What if change is actually happening faster than you realize—
and slower than you’d like—
at the exact same time?

In this long-awaited return to Dr. Tami Talks, I open a conversation into something deeper than strategy… deeper than effort… deeper than “doing the work.”

We explore the paradox of transformation—
how self-love accelerates change…
how depletion distorts it…
and why your nervous system may be the silent force shaping everything.

This episode isn’t linear.
It’s experiential.
It’s a remembering.

If you’ve ever thought:
“I know so much… so why does this still feel hard?”

This conversation might just rearrange something inside of you.

Episode Highlights

• The paradox of change: why transformation can feel both rapid and painfully slow at the same time
• The hidden skill no one teaches: how to desire more without making yourself wrong for where you are
• Why self-kindness isn’t “soft”—it’s the accelerator of real, lasting change
• The nervous system truth that explains why mindset work sometimes… just doesn’t stick
• “Hardware vs. software”: the real reason your brain resists new patterns
• How big dreams distort your perception of progress (and what to do instead)
• The neurobiology of celebration—and why it literally speeds up transformation
• The subtle shift from depletion → defeat (and how to interrupt it before it spirals)
• The most important question you can ask yourself when everything feels off
• Why your internal state isn’t just influencing your life… it’s creating it
• A reframe on self-leadership that places your power exactly where it belongs: within you

Here's what I really want you to know…

You are not behind.
You are in the process of becoming.

And the way you meet yourself right now…
determines what happens next.

Let's stay connected!
Follow me on IG: @tamiberry.md
Follow me on LinkedIn: @tamiberry.md

Transcript

Audio Only - All Participants 0:01

hello. And welcome to another episode of Dr. Tammy Talks. I'm so happy you're here. I'm Dr. Tammy. It's been ages since I've been recording. There have been so many other priorities taking place in this gorgeous, magnificent life. Adventure called life. I might call it a grand experiment. I think in the future there will be a community space called the Thrive Lab, where we come together, we spend a year together, and we really allow ourselves the gift of experimenting with this game called life. It sounds like a really good time. Um, but that idea came to me recently, but it also came to me recently that I wanna talk about something. I wanna talk about changing fast and slow. This has been on my heart. This has been on my mind. And it's interesting when I have something that I want to share, that I want to speak on, and when I like pump the brakes and I don't take the time to actually say what wants to be said and share what wants to be shared through me, I feel this like inner angst, you know? Like, I don't feel right. I, something feels off to me. So I'm really delighted that I had this tiny pocket, not really tiny, but I created a pocket of time to sit with the microphone and record, you know, because I've been feeling it over the last week and a half when I had this idea. And then, you know, spring break was here. Dashed off with the kids and my husband and life, life be lifeing, right? And so I kind of was like, okay, sometimes I get ideas right that I wanna share. I certainly have had a lot of ideas since the last, um, podcast episode, and they kind of passed. They kind of like, okay, you know, if I get to it, but this one wouldn't leave me alone until we're here. Talking about change. There is something, there is something really beautiful about the one who wants to create change in their life that knows they're the epicenter of their life, that knows they're kind of co-creating all of it, and really want to co-create something more beautiful, more abundant, more. Supportive, more nourishing so that they get to thrive and flourish in life. That is you and that is so beautiful. I think there's a little thing that kind of comes with that territory. It is a skill. To make space, to make room, to be big enough to look at what we want to change in our lives, what we want to be different, and not be consumed by it, and not make ourselves wrong for it, and not be hard or critical of ourselves for being where we are. When we are kind with ourselves, when we have our own back, when we're our own best friend, when we cultivate that fundamental foundational relationship with self, with ourself, change gets to happen really fast. Like really fast. And equally, it opens us up, I think, to the deepest desires and intentions that are within our heart, the things that we haven't actually even dared to let ourself explore, experiment with, play with, and. This is actually one of the things that I've experienced that like the more love that I bring to myself, the more kindness, the more support, the more respect, the more reverence that I have for myself and my life experience, and what I'm building and creating and where I'm headed, and the dreams. More and more dreams become. Available, ready to be witnessed, and I really do now believe that our willingness to enhance and elevate our self-worth, our concept of self as we make that. Healthier, stronger. We thrive in all of life because it's the gatekeeper. How we think about ourselves, what we think of ourselves that determines what we're going to tolerate, what we're going to entertain. It shapes our expectations and our assumptions about how life does or does not work for us. And I am wildly passionate about playing with all the ways. That life gets to work with me and through me, and I am experimenting big time with all of the ways that I get to live my life at this level of optimal health. Optimal wellbeing, massive joy, big time love, big time playfulness, more ease, more flow of more abundance, more prosperity, more wealth, more health like. I am delighted to see my upper limit, which can be very uncomfortable to see my upper limit and reach beyond it. Right. We all have them, right? We all have set points. We all have li you know, and I talk about this extensively in both of my signature programs, which is, uh, one of one being Stress Mastery Academy, the other one being Neuro Alignment Mastery, where we really look at what is my set point, right? What is my chronic nervous system state? Then we start training the nervous system to become more and more aligned with a nervous system state that naturally allows for thriving in all of life. Right? It is quite possibly the missing piece to how it is we co-create in this life. You know, and so I get really excited when people either join my programs or start jumping into one-on-one coaching with me or join the mastermind space. Or there will be an opportunity, I think, in like within the next year, um, for, for the Thrive Lab to be a very accessible point for people to, to enter space where they get to. Oh, like radically shift the trajectory of their lives. You know, that really excites me. And so right now that is available through Stress Mastery Academy, obviously, and Neuro Alignment Mastery. You can message me. Um. If you want your hands on that, it is the neurobiological upgrade, right? It's like upgrading the hardware, which is the nervous system, which is the mind, which is like the brain state, right? OO. Optimizing the hardware. So the software, which is all of the mindset work, so that the mindset work, the software update can update, right? If the hardware is out of date, the system crashes. The system crashes again and again and again, and it is incredibly frustrating and that's when change is happening. Slow as hell, and I've been there and I know it, and it is a form of torture. I want nobody to have to experience. So if your change seems to be happening slow, this is interesting'cause I didn't think I was gonna go here on this podcast, but here we are. I really was like, I'm not gonna talk about selling anything. And then here I am talking about selling something. But this is, you know what, this is the beautiful part. When you know that what you sell changes lives. You, you, you are delighted to talk about it because it's the solution that so many people are missing. Like it's just the solution and so, or it's a solution, right? There are so many solutions, but for the right person at the right time, this solution is life changing. So I, I just have to throw it out there. If change in your life, you want it to be faster, you wish it wasn't so slow, or you feel very frustrated by the mindset work, the reframing, the perspective shifting. If all of that feels really hard and heavy, it is likely because you're nervous system is chronically stressed and it doesn't allow the brain to move into new regions or into the executive. Uh, e executive function right into the frontal lobe. You don't have access to that like you would otherwise. And that access point, the, the ability to move brainwave states into that is predicated by the nervous system. And when you can train your nervous system to go there, the software upgrades actually work. Oh, so good. I also wanna talk about one of the other things that makes change happen slow. It's when the dream is really, really fricking big. Okay? When the dream of your heart starts to be revealed to you and it's really, really big, it can feel like change is happening slow. This is why I preach. If you've been listening to Dr. Tammy talks, you know this. If you are a client, if you're a VIP, if you are in the mastermind, if you're in my, if you are in close proximity to Dr. Tammy, you know this. We celebrate our way to success. We celebrate our way to success. There are so many neurobiological reasons for this, that dopamine, right? It acts as a al. It acts as a lubricant that makes the change process happen faster. As we start actually becoming consciously aware of our progress and we celebrate that, it allows us to build momentum for. For more and more change, and then we suddenly start feeling the things that we've been wanting for so long. Fulfillment, joy. I'm telling you, real joy and real fulfillment on the journey is part of actually practicing the witnessing and the celebrating of your own progress, and it's the progress to the destination. That is actually in who you are becoming, right? It's how you lead. It's how you live. It's how you love, it's how you show up. Ugh. That is everything, right? That is everything. Because the world is, the world is not as the way we see the world. It's not the way the world is. The way we see the world is the way that we are as within so without, right. And as we're making these internal shifts, as we move set points, as we move upper limits, as we become more and more available for better and better things, we get better and better things.'cause also. This world, this amazing world, which is its own biological system. All biological systems repl, you know, respond to electromagnetic field energy and are in constant feed forward feedback dynamics, relationships, the feed forward feedback. Dynamic is across all biological systems, right? And as we start having a really beautiful understanding. This is why I love using biofeedback technology. One of the many reasons. Um, not only because I like real results and I like things measured and I wanna make sure I'm doing it right'cause I still have a little bit of that perfectionism thing that I'm slowly ironing out. Um, and in some cases quickly and in some I'm gonna acknowledge I'm gonna pat myself on the back there. Um. Because as we start working with biofeedback technology, we have this, um, appreciation for our own biofeedback systems and it allows us to master. The larger biofeedback system that we're all a part of, which is that we feed forward, right? Our thoughts, our energy, our emotions, our nervous system state, right? The state of every cell, like every cell of the human body, is actually emitting a signal. It is conscious. It obviously is not nearly as conscious as the entirety of us as one biological system, but N but it's all intelligent, right? There is intelligence in every cell of your beautiful, magnificent body, and when we're, this is also what I love about neuro alignment mastery is like when we're in alignment from a nervous system state, from a thought emotional. Belief state, the actions that we take carry so much power, you know, because we are powerful beings, exquisitely powerful beings, and I think that this physical plane of life is the, is where we get to demonstrate that. I think that's actually why we're all here. Newsflash. It's why we're all here to demonstrate our own divinity, how powerful we really are within. We're not creating this power, we're not creating it to not create this. So it is a gift, right? I have been created in the image of my creator to create, and so have you. I know you know this, I know you know this. And so when we start, and so the biological makeup of us, like the way that we're designed is divine. There is a divine design to this body, and it is through the nervous system with access to the, I mean, it's just phenomenal. It's phenomenal what truly becomes possible when we break free. Like when we're not tethered to these mind body states, because 80% of all messaging that's between the brain and the body is actually bidirectional in nature. The body is sending massive amounts of information to the brain, and so when we become addicted to stressful states. The, as the cortisol levels drop, as hormone levels drop, there's like this signal that's coming up from the body to the brain that's like, oh, our levels are dropping, telling, basically directing the brain to focus on something that activates a stress response. Fascinating. Right. Is that blowing your mind? Is that blowing your mind? And so when you start doing directed nervous system training work, you break that addiction, you break that pattern, you truly start detoxing and now you're breaking free of the past.'cause that's what the body is. The body's just living in a memory of the past, essentially. Right? All of the accumulated stress that's been living in your nervous system and what. My understanding has become now is as I see clients go through, um, all my VIP clients go through Stress Mastery Academy. For sure, for sure. And if they want to, they take themselves through Neuro Alignment Mastery, but they get everything they need in, in that vi in, in the one-on-one container with me in compan, in, in harmony with, um, the core fundamental teachings of Stress Mastery Academy. Because what happens is. They rebalance their nervous system and they create stability. Right after you have stability, you can expand your capacity for higher and higher emotional states for a higher frequency for vibrating, right? With more joy, with more love, with more delight, with more patience, with more compassion, with more what of truly whatever it is that you want in your lived experience. And then we lead. And then we lead. We lead ourselves. We lead our families. We lead our children. We lead our communities. We lead, most importantly ourselves. Because it all begins with self-leadership in my space. It all begins with self-leadership. And because you're the epicenter of your life, that ripple effect, right, is massive. The other thing that's important about, um, change happening, you know, fast and slow. Those are also, um, perceptions, right? Our perception of time is very much subjective, and those of us that I think are like, I know my listener, right? You're smart, you're smart, you're intellectually smart. And you are connected to a deeper intelligence that pulses within you. You are both, so you are like doubly smart, right? You're like, you're, you're a, you're like a secret Jedi ninja. And we can be particularly hard on ourselves and that worked for a while. There's a good chance that that like being tough on yourself and being hard on yourself and being incredibly disciplined got you where you are right now. And there's a chance, and only you know this'cause you're gonna have to check in to both. Like really actually probably ditch the intellect and check in with your inner being with your most intelligent aspect of you, like your higher self, your deeper intelligence, your inner being, your union with God, whatever you want, call it. I'm thinking Christ Consciousness for a second. We're just coming off like Easter. We're still in, it's Easter Monday today when I'm recording this and it's, we're still, uh, in the middle of Passover. Such a sacred time. Oh, such a beautiful time. And I have been acutely aware this week of some, some patterns that I am so done with. Like, I was so done with. Last year and I see them popping up and they popped up big time this last week when we were on holiday. And it's interesting'cause I allowed myself to get to a place where I felt a little depleted. Right. I'm kind of like, I I, I have a 2-year-old, I have a 7-year-old and I am a very hands-on mother. Right. I don't take help with us. Hardly ever. That might be changing, but it has been my choice that that I, that I want to be a very engaged, hands-on parent. That has always been of high, high value to me, but I could tell that this past week I felt a little depleted. I still don't sleep much. This 2-year-old is up a lot. Apparently. You know, my kids up until Maya, up until she was three years old, that child barely slept through the night. I think I had like eight months of sleep and I was like, you know what? It wasn't that bad. I think I could do it again. And next thing I know, I'm pregnant with Theo. You know? And you know, it's hard. It's hard to go without sleep. It's hard work for sure. So here I am, giving myself some props. It's normal to feel depleted. It's okay. I'm allowed to feel depleted, but I don't like it. Okay. I don't like it. I don't like it. I want to feel vibrant and alive and enthused and like I want to, I wanna feel that way. And an interesting thing happens with me, and you could really, you might be able to relate to this. When I start to feel depleted, I start to feel defeat creep in like I'm virus, right? And I'm like, oh, you know, that depletion of physical, mental, emotional, spiritual resources. It's dangerous territory for us, especially if you have a thread of criticism or self beratement or self, like if you are, if you have anything within you that makes you hard on yourself when you are depleted, you. Can easily move to feeling defeated and, and that spirals into all kinds of complications in our personal relationships, right? We can start little fights, we can lose our patience. We can start to feel resentment creeping in like all of these things that I am. Really wanting to be very aware of, and now I can start this cycle where I'm like downward spiraling, right? I notice that I'm not showing up the way that I want to. I'm feeling depleted. I'm feeling even more defeated. Like change is just happening so slow. Like why am I still in this pattern? Why am I not free of this by now? What that? What the heck? What the heck? You know, at least I was not asking the question. This is major progress. What the hell is wrong with me? Right? We don't ask that question anymore. We never ask that question. No.'cause there's never anything wrong with you. Love, I promise. I promise. There's never anything wrong with you. The question is always, what do I need right now to be resourced? And I did not get to that question until this morning when all of the kids got dropped off where they needed to be. And I had a moment to myself in my office. A space that I love being. And I had a moment with myself and I was like, oh, love, what do you need? And I realized, even though I had a whole lineup this morning of things that I wanted to, that felt like they quote unquote, needed to be tended to, I knew in my bones that I was going to take the morning and be with me. And if it meant, I said. Fuck off to the rest of the day. I was willing to do it. I journaled, I did breath work, I got coherent. I like literally connected to my biofeedback device, right? For a long while because I felt so good to be coherent and I knew my whole body was resourcing as I was doing it right, because now I can feel it. In real time, like I can feel the upgrade, I can feel the optimization. I can feel every cell of my body start singing in gratitude for what I am doing, right? And then I went into a meditation, and when I came out of all of that, I was able to see that my internal state. Creates my external reality, and I get this insight many times, many times in my life, and every time feels like a new layer, like a new epiphany moment where I'm like. Oh, I see the depth of this truth, and it makes me even more committed to my own self care, my own relationship with myself, my own inner work. Because that is the most important thing and when I'm tending to it, when I'm, when that is just part of what I do on a regular basis. As I get coherent, I'm using my biofeedback device, I'm looking at my thoughts. I'm observing myself in a loving way. I am. So well resourced that I don't allow myself to get depleted, so I don't spiral into that whole defeat thing. And that's why I don't, that's why I don't react to my children in like hardly ever am I short tempered or like I, my ability to be patient and present with those little humans is mind blowing. I even heard recently from several mothers who I know are very, very, very good mothers. One of which who even coaches other mothers. Okay. On how to be present in a different way to create a different li like right to break the lineage to to mother in new ways. And I heard from these women recently, Tammy, the way you mother is just remarkable. One, one of the, my friend who's a, who's a coach for other mothers, she was saying, I just love the way you mother. Another, another one heard me. Um, we were on a call and then I had to interact with my son for something that he was home and, and she stopped and she just said, oh my gosh. To hear you interact with him is so beautiful. Like, I've never seen, I've never seen an interaction quite like that. You know, and I normalize this because it's the way it is now for me because my nervous system is so optimized and I do so much inner work that I very rarely am in that place where I am hard on myself or I am, um, unresourced, right under-resourced. That doesn't happen very often. When it does, I am always so starkly reminded why this work is mission critical to my ability to thrive and flourish in my life. It is mission critical and it's also mission critical to the transformation that I seek. The change I want to see in my life and the change you want to see in yours, it begins within you. And that is the most wonderful fricking news because it's the only place we're entirely sovereign. It's the only place we have 100% control. It's the only place where we were ever meant to go. When you give up trying to control other people, and you give up trying to control other things, and you decide that I'm, I'm actually just gonna connect to what I really want and I'm gonna align to it, and I'm gonna like, break the bonds to the stressful conditions of my life and start building the bonds, start building the inner architecture, which is in my mind and my nervous system and my body. I'm building like you are building inner architecture that aligns to the life that you want. I know you're already on the journey, but you wouldn't be here. I think this is beautiful. I think you are remarkable. I want you to remind yourself of all of the ways that you've already changed and you're already changing, and what you've already accomplished. Focus on what matters, and forget everything else, right? And allow yourself to be resourced. You are your most valuable asset. You are the epicenter of your life, and the better it gets, the better it gets. And so sometimes change happens fast. I've been in a wild vortex. I, I like the transformation that's been taking place in my life over this past year is truly mind blowing, and I still have moments where it's not happening fast enough, where I think it's happening slow. And how do we meet ourselves? We're in, when we're in those moments? How do we meet ourselves when it gets hard? Are we willing to give ourselves the benefit of the doubt? Are we willing to see the good? Are we willing to see how great we are? Are we willing to know how magnificent we are? Are we willing to know that we are co-creating with powers that are so magnificently powerful and they're always working for us? They're always working on our behalf, or they're always being directed by us, and so are we directing them towards the things that we truly want? Are we casting our consciousness? Are we envisioning the best life? Are we moving towards it? Are we willing to be the one, the woman who leads it? And are we deciding every day that we're, that we are her and we are becoming her? I absolutely love you, and I love being on this journey with you. Thank you for tuning into this episode of Dr. Tammy Talks. I hope to see you soon, hear from you soon, all the things. Have a beautiful day. Bye.